9 weeks to go! or so they say...

So here I am with 9 weeks left to go, and still in a state of disbelief. Not much has happened, thankfully it has been an uneventful pregnancy. I just had an ultrasound last week and they are estimating her to be 4lbs already! She has her head wedged under my rib. The whole time I have been thinking it was her bottom and poking at her. Oops! I was lucky enough to get a 3d image of her face, and it definitely makes her seem more real. She is beautiful, it made me cry.

The whole H1N1 pandemic has me a bit concerned. I have had my regular flu shot but the H1N1 is still not readily available in my area yet. I have been checking almost everyday. I am a bit nervous about going to crowded public places. It is quite scary with the news of pregnancy women ended up in ICU and dying from this flu. I don't want to be hyper about it, but I have worked to hard to get this far in the pregnancy to take any chances. So I have been limiting my activities, which is hard for my son. We have avoided places like the children's museum, and the bounce places that he so loves, in an attempt to avoid H1N1. I also have been carrying hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes with me and being super vigilant about them.

I have stopped sleeping, just can't seem to get comfortable. My pubic bone feels like it is splitting in half most of the time. She keeps kicking me in the cervix or something so hard it makes me feel like I am going to pee my pants and throw up at the same time. But I am not complaining. I thank god for every nudge and kick. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable I am, I know it is worth it.

I have started getting her room ready, although I have to admit it makes me a little nervous. Her clothes are being washed, and will soon be hung in her closet. My anxiety is still there in the back of my mind however. I sometimes cannot believe that she will be here soon. I am scared that everything is so out of my control. As long as she is still inside my belly, there is nothing I can do to make sure nothing will happen to her. I know it is best for her to stay inside for as long as possible but I would be lying to say I am not worried about cord accidents and other causes of fetal death. I guess because of my history, the anxiety and uncertainty will always be there.

I still get worried when she is quiet, and although I try not to be superstitious, it is hard. This morning a necklace that I have been wearing for the whole pregnancy broke. I almost had an anxiety attack when this happened. It is a swarovski crystal egg necklace from the born collection which is a symbol of fertility. My mother in law got this for me for mother's day this year. I began to cry, worry aloud that is was a bad omen, but my husband firmly reminded me that it was just a necklace and nothing more. I am however taking it to get fixed tomorrow.

This tail end of the pregnancy is different then my last. For my son, I was put on bed rest because of pre-eclampsia at this week and spent the next 6 weeks on the couch, watching TV, reading books and the like. And delivered all 8lbs 14oz of him at 37 1/2 weeks. So far my blood pressure has stayed down with this pregnancy, so I am still up and around. Boy can I feel it. I am so exhausted, and it is difficult looking after my son. Right now I am tentatively scheduled for a c-section on 12/29 which is only 5 days before my due date. My husband does not think there is anyway I will make it still then, especially since the baby is measuring so large, approx 2 weeks ahead. So I guess we will see.

I will keep you updated. I have a Dr's appt tomorrow, and am supposed to find out the actual scheduled delivery date!

So no news is Good News!

Sorry it has been awhile, but there happily has been nothing to report. Everything seems to be going well except the usually aches and pains of pregnancy. The baby is growing on schedule and is doing well. I feel her move on a regular basis which has eased some of my anxiety. However, last week I was feeling decreased movement and called the doctor because I was also having contractions. She sent me to the hospital for a non-stress test and thankfully everything is was fine. It seem that the placement of the placenta is really affecting the amount of her movements I can feel. So at least it made me feel better knowing she was ok.

I have started getting the horrible pubic bone pain which is annoying and sleeping is beginning to become more difficult. My allergies and asthma are driving me nuts right now. I definitely have a belly now! I have been having some contractions but the Dr says they are just Braxton Hicks contractions and to make sure I am drinking enough water.

I just started taking a prenatal water aerobics class and I love it! It definitely feels good to be in the water. I have had fun doing some shopping picking up some little outfits for her, and we have two names on the top of the list right now, Genevieve Marie or Arabella Rose. But it may change before she comes who knows.

I am a little nervous about the approaching flu season and trying to figure out how to stay healthy and still go out and about. Overall, emotionally things are better and I feel less anxious but I still have my moments. I just try to take it one day at a time.

My next dr's appointment is tomorrow and I am hoping I will get to have another ultrasound soon, so I can see her again!

Well I am off to bed, seems the tiredness is back!

It's a . . .

A GIRL! She was not much more cooperative this time. It took them forever to get the pictures of the heart that they wanted. But everything looks good the heart looks normal, which was a relief. This doesn't mean that she doesn't have down syndrome but with everything being normal it lowers our risk factor. So now we just have to wait and see.

I really can't believe it is a girl! I was so surprised. Looking forward to going and getting some pink clothes with ruffles on the butt. LOL.

But most importantly she looks healthy which is all I wanted. Thanks for the continued prayers it means to world to me.

It's a . . . .

uncooperative baby! LOL. So everything they could see looked normal, but the baby was moving around like crazy so they had a very hard time getting the measurements they needed. They were not able to get a good look at the heart which is one of the main defects they are looking for, so I have to go back in two weeks for another ultrasound. They also tried to get a good look at the gender but the baby would not spread its legs apart enough to confirm anything. So I am partly relieved that they saw none of the soft markers for down's syndrome, but I won't feel completely ok until they can get a good look at the heart. So here is to another two week wait. I will keep you posted!

So tomorrow is the day...

Tomorrow is the day of the "Big" ultrasound. And I have to admit I am pretty nervous. I have done alot of research, so I know what "markers" they will be looking for. I wanted to feel prepared for whatever is thrown at me, so I know what questions to ask. My husband does not understand this, but it makes me feel I little more controlled in a situation that is completely out of my control. I just want this baby to be healthy.

It is also a bit exciting finding out what the baby is too. That is, if the baby cooperates. I have gone back and forth a bit on whether I wanted to find out the sex or not. In the end I feel that I do want to know because I think it will help me bond with this baby and will make the pregnancy seem more real to me.

I still feel at times in a state of disbelief. Not really fully believing that there will be a baby in December. Though this may be natural protection mechanism after all that I have been through, I worry that it will hinder me being able to bond with this baby.

I will update tomorrow night. Thanks for all the prayers and support.

2nd Trimester! Still hanging in there!

So here it is week 17! I really can't believe it. I am still in a constant state of disbelief. I still tend to "forget" that I am pregnant. Although I do have a belly, it is that in between stage where people are wondering is she pregnant or does she just drink too much beer. I am still stressing, but not as regularly. I listen to the baby's heartbeat everyday with the doppler and do get upset when I don't find it right away. This drives my husband absolutely nuts.

I go back the OB next week on the 28th and then the "big" ultrasound is scheduled for August 4th. The Genetics place is having me come back there to have the ultrasound. I am still really nervous about this. But whatever will be will be. My husband really wants to know the sex of the baby. We didn't find out with our first, he was a surprise. So that will be different. I am wondering if knowing what the baby is will make me more bonded? I do worry about mistakes though. Someone I know just had a baby a month or so ago and they told her she was having a another girl, so they had everything ready and had been calling "her" Alexandra since they found out. And surprise, surprise, "she" turned out to be an he. A little shocking. But I figure they only had the one big ultrasound where I will be having monthly ultrasounds so I guess I can just have them make sure each month.

The last few weeks have been pretty calm. Just the regular pregnancy issues, still craving salad, still tired, heartburn has started. Trying hard not to gain too much weight. But what can you do.

Just wanted to update you all, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

Whatever will be will be. . . .

We met with the Genetic Counselor this week and it was very informative. It seem that only one of the three things they consider for the first trimester screening was abnormal.

My HCG was normal, the baby's nuchal fold was normal, it was only the papp-A which was abnormal coming back lower than average. Which is why my risk for a child with down syndrome rose from my age related risk of 1 in 215 to 1 in 131.

Yes, this is still less than one percent and the risk of the amnio is anywhere from 1 in 300 to 1 in 1000 depending on which study you refer to.

So hubby and I have decided not to have the amnio because we worked too hard to get to this point in a pregnancy and would not be able to live with ourselves if we lost the pregnancy due to the test. We are going to proceed with the second trimester screening in a few weeks and then have the detailed anatomy scan at 19 weeks. The Genetic counselor said if this scan come back clean for any soft markers then my risk will be recalculated and lessened.

On another note though the decreased papp-A value has been linked to other pregnancy complications, such as placental insufficiency, fetal death, preterm birth, IUGR, low birth weight and preclampsia. So the Dr has decided she will monitor me more closely with monthly ultrasound with focus on the placenta. Especially since my mother lost three pregnancies between 18 and 24 weeks.

So for now we are just letting it all go with God, whatever will be will be. It is out of our control. Until the baby is viable, even if there is a problem with the placenta, nothing can really be done. So I cannot stress over something that is beyond human control.